Monsters in the closet

Today, a writer friend posted a good question and I spent a fair amount of time responding to it. I am rephrasing the opening, but keeping a large portion of it in tact for posting here in my journal. Mostly because it’s something, I want to come back to. There are lots of elements here that touch on writing, most of them though, are about me and my own journey.

Her question was mainly about how far you go (sexually explicit, violent, gory or graphic) as a writer.

This below, was my response.

I wrote my first scary story recently that was outside my comfort zone mainly because it dealt with witchcraft and reincarnation, both things that as a Christian, I don't approve of. (Never mind that I have been reading fantasy since I could pick up a book and THEY contain those elements.) It was still strange to find myself telling a story that I didn't know was in me and had to argue with myself to actually hit the submit button. Silly isn't it?

That aside, I also started a romance novel, and though I have plenty of sexual tension in it, I have yet to cross the line and write a sex scene. What stops me? There is an invisible line there that says "here there be dragons". Unless one of my characters passes through a significant event contained within a sex scene that needs to be "revealed" (pardon the pun) in order to move the story forward -- I won't wrestle that dragon.

But you raise such a good point. As a writer, to create characters that explore depth and strength, there must be conflict. That's probably the biggest flaw in my first novel. Yes, I have gone back and fixed many of the grammatical errors and created plenty of tension... it's a paper tiger in that there are no real teeth in it. There IS no real jeopardy, no really bad guy to make it so important that there is a good guy. Most of my characters are flawed (and that’s good) but truly there needs to be … a nasty, mean, depraved character in there. And that means that I am going to be forced to step outside my comfort zone and dig inside the closet where I keep all those emotions.

No, I am not repressed; I just don’t like to keep those unproductive thoughts and emotions cluttering the floor of my mind. They end up controlling me. So, I use self discipline and store them on the metaphorical shelf till I have the time and inclination to deal with them again. Like anything else, if you feed something it grows, if you starve it – it dies.

I have starving monsters in there…

*shakes it off*

Yeah, great question. Just passing by the door of that closet gives me the willies.

The funny thing is that in my head, I know that those monsters can’t hurt me any more. In my head, I know that I will never be chained to those monsters that fed on me ever again. I am changed and no longer the scared child that hid from the world in between the covers of a book.

In my head.

In my heart though, I remember.

I get whelmed and either disconnect or fry my nerve endings with the memories. Too hot to touch, not enough time to sort through all the sticky ends that I need to, in order to untangle the monsters tentacles and put him back on the shelf. It’s easier to just make faces at the closed door as I pass by it saying “you have no power over me”.

And it doesn’t.

But I have not yet mastered the art of opening the closet door, turning on the light and cataloging all those emotions for the purpose of putting them on like a coat while I sit at a keyboard. It almost seems wrong unleash that evil for the purpose of entertainment. Yet, in order to make a character LIVE and breathe I must find a way to channel that and access it… or my characters are doomed to a bland life of ignominy never to transmute through a page into another’s imagination.

It’s a good question. One I need to spend more time thinking about… and open that door.