What's the Matter?

Yesterday we went to the neurologist to find out what was the matter with the episodes of the twitches she's been having.  They performed the physical neurological tests that reminded me of what the cops used to do when they caught a drunk driver before the breathalyzer was available.  When I said what I was thinking out loud, the doctor smiled at me and told me that they were in fact performing the same tests to see if someone were impaired.  The physical test went very well, and we were relieved.  To rule out other scary things and to be sure, they sent us to have an EEG done and told us that they would also schedule an MRI as soon as possible.  We left the hospital thinking that things were good.
Then later in the evening, the doctor called us at home to tell us that the EEG showed signs of her having seizures.  He told us that someone would call to set up an appointment for Jess to come in for a six hour version of the EEG in order to get a better idea of what was going on, and the MRI would be put on hold for now. 

This hit hard.  It means that the twitches weren't a symptom of the scoliosis.  This is part of yet another condition she has.  Jess is feeling like she has a target on her back.  And she spent yesterday grieving all that.

This morning, she woke up deciding to record every twitch she has so that she is armed with better information for them.  She's taking what control she can, and I'm taking that as a good sign. 

I just got the call for the new appointment for the six hour EEG, and next Friday she and I will spend 9:00 to 3:00 in their company.

We are still numb.  We don't even know the right questions to ask at this point.  Please pray for us?  I don't even know how to specifically direct the prayers, or what exactly I'm asking for.  I just know that we need prayer.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your prayers.  Our prayers matter, because WE matter to God. 

Confession and Restitution

Prayer Focus: Australia

Bible Reading: Numbers 3-5

Scripture

The Lord said to Moses, ”Say to the Israelites: ‘Any man or woman who wrongs another in any wayt and so is unfaithful to the Lord is guilty and must confess the sin they have committed. They must make full restitution for the wrong they have done, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the person they have wronged. (Numbers 5:5-7)

Observation

After pulling His people out of Egypt, God set about the business of making them His own.  He taught them about right and wrong, clean and unclean, and how to tell the difference.  Through the sacrifices he taught them how to move from one state to the other, and in today’s reading he spent time giving them jobs to do and establishing authority, a chain of command whereby some were held in responsibility for others and what the consequences were for breaking those laws.  He was establishing rule and order, and working out those laws into the every day part of their interactions, including how to handle the sins they committed against one another.

Application

Making wrongs right again still involve the same pattern today that God set out in Numbers.  Confession and restitution.    1st John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins He is faithful and will forgive our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.”    He made a pathway through sin to reach us, knowing that ten minutes after we make ourselves right, we would do wrong again, and need his forgiveness all over again.  Such is His mercy.

I believe that contriteness of spirit (that willingness to agree with God on what sin is, and the resulting repentant behavior), is directly tied to our understanding of what sin is and what it does in our lives.

So, today I will examine my sins more closely.  I always want to be the hero in my own story and I squirm away from the ugly parts of me that I am ashamed of, but today I will be asking myself if I stopped at “I’m sorry” or did I take the next step to make things right?  Did I follow all the way through and burn the bridges I made my internal excuses on?  Did I bring honor to God by sacrificing my pride and humbly approach the people I wronged while I lashed out?  How I answer those questions, will determine how much of my life God can use.  It will either make room for more of Him or it will bar Him from living there in the temple he made in my heart.

Prayer

Lord, forgive me for not only the wrongs I’ve done, but for the times I’ve stopped half way and didn’t clean out the props I used to hold my pride together.  Help me see more clearly where I need to go and make things right with my neighbor.  Then I pray that you give me the courage to trust you and not myself… by making restitution with them.  I want to be clean.  Forgive me for trying to hide behind my excuses.  Give me courage to act.

Amen.

Every Friday I guest post at our church blog, Scio Journal. We are corporately going through the bible in a year and this blog is a way for others to join us in conversation.  This is a "simulpost" of what I  had to offer there. 

Worth Shouting About (Director's Cut)

Every Friday I post to the Scio Journal, Scio Community Church's endevor to read the gospel together and share it in community. 

This is an extended version of that devotional.  To see the version that conforms better to their format, hit the Scio Journal link above.

Bible Reading: Leviticus 8-10

Scripture

Then Aaron lifted his hands toward the people and blessed them.  And having sacrificed the sin offering, the burnt offering and the fellowship offering, he stepped down.  Moses and Aaron then went into the tent of meeting.  When they came out, they blessed the people; and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people.  Fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed the burnt offering and the fat portions on the altar.  And when all the people saw it, they shouted for joy and fell facedown.  (Leviticus 9:22-24)

Observation

Why do we need sacrifices?

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to getting to this particular part of scripture for my contribution to the Scio Journal.  Mostly because I never really understood the animal sacrifice thing.  So, instead of blasting through the reading of it like I have in the past, I spent more serious attention into figuring out the WHY of it all since the nitty-gritty gory parts made me flinch.  If I actually looked at it full on, let my imagination sink into it and see what they were doing, I got squeamish.  I inevitably would emotionally shut down from going further because of my own personal reaction to what I was reading.  In doing this study, and it being my turn to give you something to think about, I didn’t have this luxury.  So I opened a new document, formatted it and fretted over what in the world I was going to say.

I understood the basics of what it was all about, that Sin has a price to pay.  The currency is blood, and not just a donation – but all of it.  The bible says that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).  It’s one thing to see that on an intellectual level and quite another to see that penalty acted out, bloody to the elbows, splattered with it, splashing it on an alter and cutting out sections of the body – splitting it apart for the purpose of making a point. 

Because God told Moses exactly what he and Aaron and the tribe of Levi were to do in exact detail, this means it’s important.  Clearly, it’s a very big deal to God.  It should be a big deal to me too!  But because of the time and culture I live in, I just really didn’t get it.  And it made me uncomfortable to look at. What was once okay to read and accept on faith, even if I didn’t really understand it, isn’t enough anymore, it’s time to dig deeper and find out what it means.

So I hit the books and tried to figure it out.  What follows is what I’ve learned.

First, I’m going to put it into context.  God was temporarily moving out of heaven and living among his people.  To understand on a gut level what this means, you have to be aware of the differences between Holy and Common.  I found a 15 page PDF file online that broke it down nicely for me.  It’s from a book called Journal of Translation and this section is called Translating the Levitical Sacrifices.  Much of what I am going to tell you is my attempt at note-taking and condensing what I have learned from this site.  In fact, the following bullet list is a copy / paste from there.  I want to share with you because it clearly sets up the framework that everything else rests upon.

• Everything that is not holy is common.

• Common things divide into two groups, the clean and the unclean.

• Cleanness is an intermediate state between holiness and uncleanness.

• Cleanness is the usual intermediate state of most persons and things. (This implies that what is holy is set apart as somehow special.)

• Clean things become holy when they are sanctified, but unclean objects cannot be sanctified.

• Clean things can be made unclean by being polluted.

• Holy items may be profaned and become common. They may even be polluted and made unclean.

• The unclean and the holy are states that must never come into contact with each other. If an unclean person eats part of a sacrificial animal, which is holy food, he will be cut off from his people (Lev. 7:20–21).

• Most importantly, sin and impurity cause profanation and pollution, while the offering of sacrifices reverses the process and brings about cleansing and sanctification.

In order for us to be able to be with God, who is Holy, we (who are common and unclean) must first be clean.  So we have three categories that God places us within: Unclean, Clean and Holy.   This categorization of things reflects in everything God does.  The Temple for example, has outer and inner courts, and then an inner chamber called the Holy of Holies, where only sanctified high priests could enter.  It was this division of states that makes it impossible for us to get to Heaven on our own, and the reason God made a way possible and he did it through these 5 types of sacrifices.

Thankfully, we are not stuck in the state that we are born into, but rather, we have the ability to move between these states fluidly.  Things that are unclean can be made clean, and those clean things can also be made holy.  The opposite is true as well, it is possible for holy things and people to be polluted and corrupted, becoming profane. 

So, what is it about a sacrifice that makes us clean?

It’s in the blood.  There is life in the blood.  Leviticus 17:11 explains it by saying that “For the life of an animal is in the blood.  I have provided the blood for you to make atonement for your lives on the Altar; it is the blood, the life, that makes atonement.”  As a side note here, in all of the references in scripture where lifeblood is mentioned, it’s meaning is “life given up in death” so it’s all of the blood, not just a token.

In Genesis Chapter 9 it says “Whoever shed’s man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed."

Leviticus 1-7 talks about the 5 Major sacrifices and their purpose.  Those being:

Burnt Offerings: The death of the animal is a substitution for the death of the sinner who has laid their hands on the animal and transferred their sin upon it.  It is a ransom paid for penalty of sin.  The whole animal is burnt up and given to God alone.  It is the most holy of sacrifices.  This burnt offering gives a smell that God finds soothing and acceptable.  I can’t explain how a smell can do that for God, I only know that when we are living obediently, and agreeing with Him on what sin is, and choosing to live in a way that pleases Him, it makes Him happy. 

Grain Offerings: This tribute of thanksgiving is recognition that the one whom you are giving it to is superior to yourself.  Grain offerings were bounty from the land, Gods provision, and care for us.  Giving grain offerings to Him were much like we use the tithe for today I think; A recognition that he supplied it, and we return it to him on order for our hearts to always be reminded of who it came from in the first place.

Peace Offerings: This is an offering for feasts and fellowship that included a portion for God, a portion for the priests and the rest for the family.  God himself shared in this offering as a way of joining us at the table; because He desires fellowship with us, but even this, more casual type of offering, was drained of the blood first and it was splashed on the alter.  This was a subtle reminder that this fellowship was a holy thing, something that by doing – you were cleaner and purer for the observance of it. 

Purification Offerings: These sacrifices were for ritualizing the decontaminating process.  The reality is that we live in a corporeal world that has disease, pestilence, and bacteria.  These offerings were Gods way of communicating to us the importance of keeping the holy and common things separate, so that we aren’t polluting the clean things with the unclean things.  The people of that time, didn’t understand germs, ritualizing the washing of things (and adding this sacrifice to ensure it) demonstrated physically what sin does spiritually. 

Guilt Offerings:  There are many different views on what this one means.  The thread that holds all those views together though is this (copy / paste from the link mentioned):

“When an offender feels guilt concerning some desecration and if the offense is known, he is to make full  compensation or reparation to all offended parties, putting them back in the same position as before plus a twenty percent additional penalty.  Besides this compensation, he is to present a reparation offering to Yahweh, the purpose of which is that the priest will make atonement for him and he will be forgiven (Lev.5:16, 18; 6:7)”

In this way, God made it possible for his people to approach Him.  This was only through the office of the priests who stood as the intermediary between God and the people. 

Application

So, what can I take away from this? 

We are no longer living in Old Testament times when we needed sacrifices to be able to approach God.  Today, we can approach God without the office of the priest, because Christ became our High Priest. 

Hebrews 10:19 – 23 says “Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”

That is worth shouting about, don't you think?

Prayer

Thank you for your faithfulness to me, I am so grateful that that you didn’t leave me to myself, but had a plan worked out from the very beginning to preserve a way for me to be able to approach you and enter into your presence.  Through time, through the generational sin that’s passed through my family line, you still found a way to reconcile me to your side.  I will never fully understand the sacrifice you made in sending your son to be the atonement for me.  I pray though, Lord, that I never take that sacrifice you made for granted.  I shout for joy and fall face down.

Amen.  

Play on Words: Why I Tell Stories

I have been involved with writing church plays and directing, acting and producing them for a while.  The energy and feedback you get from an audience is not only a thrill -- but as a writer, it serves to help you hone the skills it takes to write to your target audience. 

So as with all productions, it begins with a word.

That word leads to another, stringing together thoughts, motivations, overcoming conflicts, resolving in such a way that our emotions have ridden along and find satisfaction in the telling.

It is such a kick when you get an idea you want to communicate ... then you convince others that your wacky plan will work.  They listen and your enthusiasm ignites their commitment to play along. 

You begin the producing the play: establishing your contacts with people who will provide the costuming,  props, scenery and the stage light rental company (who will charge you an amount you swear you will never ever pay again).

Rehearsals have begun now: You are blocking the action in your head long before the actors show up, assessing the strengths and weaknesses of the actors.  Who will need some direction from the side?  How to get this or that or thought communicated through action rather than the words you pained over.

Then it happens: That wonderful intoxicating feeling when the thought you had, and written down on paper has taken root in the actor’s minds.  The thoughts grow and bloom as the characters bring something of their own and somehow the synergy of the two is transformed into being more than just a thought, now it’s witnessed, believed, and acted out, making it better than when it was simply two dimensionally typed on a page, for now it breathes. 

Dress rehearsal: the magic has ripened and the fruit of your imagination hangs in the air. 

Opening night: Will they get it?  Will they laugh in the right spots?  Will you move them to tears?

The lights go down: the butterflies in your belly are air born as you fly from one worry and care to each actor and back again to the audience. 

The first line is spoken: no stumble.  The fruit is plucked one by one as the audience laughs, sighs, smirks and cries... They have received it!

The miracle continues: they take your play to the very first person who asks them... "So, what was the play about?"  Then out of the fertile soil of the theater of their mind, they pull one glittering and shiny seed  and from that, your words live yet again. 

Pollination occurs: as the telling of your idea sparks one of their own.  They take that inspiration and it transmutes in expression throough the individuality of another who is made in Gods image.

That is why I write plays that carry Christian themes.  I have seen someone who would never go to a normal Church service, view God from another light.  I have seen lives changed and relationships healed, because one truth that would not be heard if told straight ...was heard through the ears of a character they related with.

I believe that this why Jesus told stories to us too.  We are built for stories.  They unify us and give us a larger story to tell, to be part of.  Words, hold the framework for ideas.  The truths that are told in story, take root in our own souls and then that same wonderful thing happens in side of us and: The Holy Spirit breathes.

Why would the creator God give us this ability, too?  I believe it was so that we would get it, so that the transformation inside of us would happen and we would understand the power and potential in His words; so that we would recognize Him when He came, after all, he created the world with a word.

Because in the beginning… was The Word.

Dwelling Place

See this post also at the Scio Journal

Bible Reading: Exodus 25-28

Scripture

 The Lord said to Moses, “Tell the Israelites to bring me an offering. You are to receive the offering for me from each man whose heart prompts him to give. These are the offerings you are to receive from them: gold, silver and bronze; blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen; goat hair; ram skins dyed red and hides of sea cows; acacia wood; olive oil for the light; spices for the anointing oil and for the fragrant incense; and onyx stones and other gems to be mounted on the ephod and breast piece. “Then have them make a sanctuary for me, and I will dwell among them. Make this tabernacle and all its furnishings exactly like the pattern I will show you.  (Exodus 25:1-9)

Observation

God told the Israelites to bring all the supplies to create the ark, temple, alter and vestments.  Then he gave them plans to create each article in exact detail, right down to the underwear that the priests were to wear!  All of those items were to be symbols that represented His coming son, His throne, and heaven.  The only other time I immediately recall God giving architectural plans to man was when he instructed Noah to build the other ark, the one for human kind to survive the coming flood.

He said “Then have them make a sanctuary for me, and I will dwell among them.” 

And so they did …and so He did. 

Application

I am reminded of all the times, places in time and history that God has breached the void, and reached down to us.  In the garden, he walked with us.  In the desert, he led us with fire and smoke.  In the passage we are reading this week, he dwelt in a tent, making his home with us there.  Later in scripture, he spoke to us through prophets.  He made a cameo appearance to Ezekiel (in 1:4-5, 26-28) who recorded it.  Then two thousand years ago he sent his son, he became flesh, and through that sacrifice he made it possible for the Holy Spirit to dwell in our hearts.  (Jeremiah 31:31-34, Hebrews 10:16)

All through history, God has been working to find ways to show us who He is, what heaven is like, and reached out to us through our sin.  He left us clues through symbols and rituals, alters and tabernacles, and arks filled with the manna from heaven to point to Jesus who would be the bread of life, so that we would come to know Him, so that we would recognize Him when we saw Him.

Prayer

Lord, you said in those verses in Jeremiah and Hebrews that you would put your laws in our heart and write them in our minds; that our sins and lawless acts you would remember no more. 

The specifications for the construction of this place that you would dwell inside us, you made simple; that we love you with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love our neighbor as ourselves.

Please examine me, Lord.  See if there be any wickedness in me.  Forgive me and clean me, make me a proper dwelling place for you to live.  Give me the courage to look in the dark corners of my heart, I confess my sin and beg the forgiveness that you bring when I repent (1^st John 1:9).

Amen.

Doctor Consultation for Scoliosis Surgery

Taken while ice skating 1/12

Thursday last week we had the office visit with the orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Michelle Caird.  We came into the interview armed with a stack of questions that were answered and it helped to settle us a bit.  Bill was amazing.  He ran that part of the interview and was able to keep his head clear and take notes. My ears were ringing from the blood pressure spike and adrenaline in my system - making my head buzz.  It's really going to happen.  It turns out that we have mutual friends, and seeing her react warmly to the mention of it, put me more at ease than the answers to the questions did.  It shouldn't surprise me I guess, but that was an excellent example of how differently Bill and I are wired.  He needed the facts, I needed the relationship in order to feel comfortable with the procedure.  Don't get me wrong.  Knowing what was going to be going on is vital to me too, I just have a hard time thinking and being logical when my heart is racing.

There were some very important questions we had to ask.  Bill had a print-out two pages long about infection rates, if Jess needed to donate blood ahead of time, what kind of metal they were going to use, if there would be interns helping her (it's a teaching hospital) and what role they'd be playing, etc.  Those were the big ones to me, but there were lots more.

During the course of the visit, we told Dr. Caird about the thorasic spasms that she's been having along her shoulders (twitches that pull her arms back in a way that reminds me of a baby's startle reflex).  We'd attributed it to the scoliosis since the apex of her largest curve is there between her shoulders.  But Dr. Caird doesn't think it's related, and is sending us to see a neurologist before we make the date of the surgery in order to track down the cause of that.  They are supposed to call today to set that appointment. 

Before we left she sent us to radiology for xrays where they had Jess bend in many different positions so that they could assess how flexible she is, this being the tool to determine the size rods they'll use, and exactly where they'll place them.  Depending on how steep the lower curve is, they don't always straighten a patient completely, not wanting to put them on a tilt or off balance.

As far as dates for the surgery, we are looking for a "sweet spot" after mid-term tests and before spring break for making the date of the scoliosis surgery.  This way, she'll have at least one week in there that she's not falling behind on school work during recovery.

The best part of it, is that Jess seems more engaged - participating in what's going on and not emotionally running from it like she had in the past.  She only stuck her fingers in her ears once, when we were talking about the nitty-gritty gory part.  It seems to me that her desire for the surgery might stem from wanting the endless PT and chiropractic visits to finally stop.  Even though there will be large amounts of pain.  She keeps telling us that she has a high pain tolerance, and speaking as the one who used to spank her bottom, I'd have to agree.  But this will test and try her on levels she didn't even know existed before, and while I don't want her taken by surprise with it, I also don't want her fear of pain to keep her from doing what will be best for her. 

This leads us into logistics for what to do with arrangements in the house while Jess and I are in the hospital for a week, and then she is in intensive recovery for the next three.  We are thinking of putting her bed down on the main floor until she's recovered.  She won't get the best sleep while everyone is a wake and down here with her (though the drugs she's going to be on might not make that a big deal) but over the course of her recovery she won't be left alone in her room this way either.  Also, it might mean that Kim needs to get her license sooner rather than later, because I won't be able to pick her up while I'm in the hospital and she can't get home on the city bus (doesn't go far enough west to get her home). 

It's good though, thinking about all the logistics involved with getting her home and the long recovery pulls me out of freak out mode and into planning and coordinating mode.  That's good - right?  (At least until the day she's going into surgery, then I'll quietly freak out again in the corner.)

On to other news.  Lyss is now registered as a freshman at EMU and goes in for her orientation on March 20th.  Depending on when the date of the surgery is, I might need to find someone to sit with Jess while I go with Lyss for her orientation, I think she needs a parent with her and this is right in the middle of Busy Season for Bill, making him unavailable (possibly).

This is a pic from the web of what ours looks like.

Oh!  And our washing machine broke.  *blink blink*  You know in the grand scheme of things, when you stack it up next to the bigger problems, a broken washing machine seems like not such a big deal.  La!  The repair guy is supposed to come today to either fix it, or pronounce it dead.  I have a friend from church I'm taking to her doctor visits today so I'm hope full that I will be home when he comes, but it might be delayed.  With all the balls to juggle in the air, it's good to remember that some of them bounce.

So, that's the update.  Some of you have called or written to ask how the consultation went, because you were praying (thank you) and so you already got this replay of events.  For those of you who have been praying and waiting, thank you for engaging with the Holy Spirit on our behalf.

*side note*  The repair man just called while I was writing this post to set the appointment for coming to look at the washing machine today, and it turns out that I will be able to see them in the afternoon, when all the Dr. visits for my friend is over and after I've picked up Kim from school.  Nice.

My Favorite Ballad Play List

Want to join me on an audio journey?  The following is a play list of YouTube videos highlighting some of my favorite artists.  I'm in a kind of mellow mood, so most of these are ballads. 

Susan Ashton, No One Knows My Heart,

Kathy Triccoli, Go Light Your Candle, Stubborn Love

Charlie Peacock, Dear Friend, Almost Threw It All Away

Margaret Becker, You Remain Unchanged, Look Me In The Eye

Rich Mullins, If I stand,

Michael W. Smith, Friends, Secret Ambition

4 Him, For Future Generations, Measure of a Man

Phillips Craig and Dean, Mercy Came Running

Twila Paris, Faithful Friend, Warrior is a Child

Steven Curtis Chapman, Cinderella, Dive