Got up this morning at 4:30 am.... a little one woke up and needed help, I couldn't get back to sleep. Now that I am tired, it's time to get the rest of the family up and moving *argh*. Day care kiddos are coming and I have a pile of laundry to do... I think I need more coffee. Yeah, coffee sounds good...
I will be back to write more once the house is in motion (well you know what I mean) and I can string more words together. Maybe trying to blog this moring was a bad idea.
Where is that coffee?
Sometimes it's nice to see life from someone else's point of view. I am a mother, writer and amateur photographer. This is what the view looks like from where I am standing.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Monsters in the closet
Today, a writer friend posted a good question and I spent a fair amount of time responding to it. I am rephrasing the opening, but keeping a large portion of it in tact for posting here in my journal. Mostly because it’s something, I want to come back to. There are lots of elements here that touch on writing, most of them though, are about me and my own journey.
Her question was mainly about how far you go (sexually explicit, violent, gory or graphic) as a writer.
This below, was my response.
I wrote my first scary story recently that was outside my comfort zone mainly because it dealt with witchcraft and reincarnation, both things that as a Christian, I don't approve of. (Never mind that I have been reading fantasy since I could pick up a book and THEY contain those elements.) It was still strange to find myself telling a story that I didn't know was in me and had to argue with myself to actually hit the submit button. Silly isn't it?
That aside, I also started a romance novel, and though I have plenty of sexual tension in it, I have yet to cross the line and write a sex scene. What stops me? There is an invisible line there that says "here there be dragons". Unless one of my characters passes through a significant event contained within a sex scene that needs to be "revealed" (pardon the pun) in order to move the story forward -- I won't wrestle that dragon.
But you raise such a good point. As a writer, to create characters that explore depth and strength, there must be conflict. That's probably the biggest flaw in my first novel. Yes, I have gone back and fixed many of the grammatical errors and created plenty of tension... it's a paper tiger in that there are no real teeth in it. There IS no real jeopardy, no really bad guy to make it so important that there is a good guy. Most of my characters are flawed (and that’s good) but truly there needs to be … a nasty, mean, depraved character in there. And that means that I am going to be forced to step outside my comfort zone and dig inside the closet where I keep all those emotions.
No, I am not repressed; I just don’t like to keep those unproductive thoughts and emotions cluttering the floor of my mind. They end up controlling me. So, I use self discipline and store them on the metaphorical shelf till I have the time and inclination to deal with them again. Like anything else, if you feed something it grows, if you starve it – it dies.
I have starving monsters in there…
*shakes it off*
Yeah, great question. Just passing by the door of that closet gives me the willies.
The funny thing is that in my head, I know that those monsters can’t hurt me any more. In my head, I know that I will never be chained to those monsters that fed on me ever again. I am changed and no longer the scared child that hid from the world in between the covers of a book.
In my head.
In my heart though, I remember.
I get whelmed and either disconnect or fry my nerve endings with the memories. Too hot to touch, not enough time to sort through all the sticky ends that I need to, in order to untangle the monsters tentacles and put him back on the shelf. It’s easier to just make faces at the closed door as I pass by it saying “you have no power over me”.
And it doesn’t.
But I have not yet mastered the art of opening the closet door, turning on the light and cataloging all those emotions for the purpose of putting them on like a coat while I sit at a keyboard. It almost seems wrong unleash that evil for the purpose of entertainment. Yet, in order to make a character LIVE and breathe I must find a way to channel that and access it… or my characters are doomed to a bland life of ignominy never to transmute through a page into another’s imagination.
It’s a good question. One I need to spend more time thinking about… and open that door.
Her question was mainly about how far you go (sexually explicit, violent, gory or graphic) as a writer.
This below, was my response.
I wrote my first scary story recently that was outside my comfort zone mainly because it dealt with witchcraft and reincarnation, both things that as a Christian, I don't approve of. (Never mind that I have been reading fantasy since I could pick up a book and THEY contain those elements.) It was still strange to find myself telling a story that I didn't know was in me and had to argue with myself to actually hit the submit button. Silly isn't it?
That aside, I also started a romance novel, and though I have plenty of sexual tension in it, I have yet to cross the line and write a sex scene. What stops me? There is an invisible line there that says "here there be dragons". Unless one of my characters passes through a significant event contained within a sex scene that needs to be "revealed" (pardon the pun) in order to move the story forward -- I won't wrestle that dragon.
But you raise such a good point. As a writer, to create characters that explore depth and strength, there must be conflict. That's probably the biggest flaw in my first novel. Yes, I have gone back and fixed many of the grammatical errors and created plenty of tension... it's a paper tiger in that there are no real teeth in it. There IS no real jeopardy, no really bad guy to make it so important that there is a good guy. Most of my characters are flawed (and that’s good) but truly there needs to be … a nasty, mean, depraved character in there. And that means that I am going to be forced to step outside my comfort zone and dig inside the closet where I keep all those emotions.
No, I am not repressed; I just don’t like to keep those unproductive thoughts and emotions cluttering the floor of my mind. They end up controlling me. So, I use self discipline and store them on the metaphorical shelf till I have the time and inclination to deal with them again. Like anything else, if you feed something it grows, if you starve it – it dies.
I have starving monsters in there…
*shakes it off*
Yeah, great question. Just passing by the door of that closet gives me the willies.
The funny thing is that in my head, I know that those monsters can’t hurt me any more. In my head, I know that I will never be chained to those monsters that fed on me ever again. I am changed and no longer the scared child that hid from the world in between the covers of a book.
In my head.
In my heart though, I remember.
I get whelmed and either disconnect or fry my nerve endings with the memories. Too hot to touch, not enough time to sort through all the sticky ends that I need to, in order to untangle the monsters tentacles and put him back on the shelf. It’s easier to just make faces at the closed door as I pass by it saying “you have no power over me”.
And it doesn’t.
But I have not yet mastered the art of opening the closet door, turning on the light and cataloging all those emotions for the purpose of putting them on like a coat while I sit at a keyboard. It almost seems wrong unleash that evil for the purpose of entertainment. Yet, in order to make a character LIVE and breathe I must find a way to channel that and access it… or my characters are doomed to a bland life of ignominy never to transmute through a page into another’s imagination.
It’s a good question. One I need to spend more time thinking about… and open that door.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Oh to play like a child!
To my delight, my children have discovered “A Wrinkle in Time”. I found the video on sale and now my kids love reenacting scenes from it and using a “tesseract” as a method of transporting their imaginations from one place to another.
This story is the one that hooked me onto Sci Fi as a kid myself. I have been trying to get them interested in the book for a long while, but to no avail. Not until I found the video that is. My eldest has since finished all the books in the series and she drops hints to the younger ones about what happens to Meg and Charles Wallace in their future. I sit in the next room (like today) and hear them organize the game they will play. They have done it since they were tiny, taking spoons or even gummy bears and say “I will be the momma, you be the sweetheart” and off their imaginations would gallop into one fairy world after another.
My eldest is 11. She is just now over the last year or so separated herself from the younger ones to do “more grown up” things, like read books or draw for hours. But the younger ones still let their imaginations take them places that we learn to release as adults. Today even the 11 year old plays along.
I adore the way they play. I smile as I write this for now they have found a winding music box that they have inducted into their game as a prop. It’s one of those notched barrels that have tin prongs that play when you spin the handle.
Today the carpet is dry but barren of furniture. It is a wide-open place to romp. A new toy of sorts for them you could say. So while one plays the music box for sound effects to tesseract (teleport?) Two others are crawling across the floor as though they were scaling a building, I can’t help but to shake my head and be amazed at their creativity.
Right now, (after making a few posts at some boards I frequent) they are ready to go to the mall, and they are already creating a new game of spies, walkie talkies, a transistor radio, a bag of other gadgets a note pad of paper and they are set. Now they just need me to get off the computer so that I can go fulfill a promise. One week of clean bedrooms, and they get a treat – in this case a trip to the local mall to play in the kiddie corral. (see the entry about redoing the chore charts) They will duck behind and under the foam climbable sculptures while playing hide and seek. I will sit along the edges with the numbers of other parents waiting for family members to finish shopping while they pull kid watching duty.
Fun will be had by all.
Bye for now.
This story is the one that hooked me onto Sci Fi as a kid myself. I have been trying to get them interested in the book for a long while, but to no avail. Not until I found the video that is. My eldest has since finished all the books in the series and she drops hints to the younger ones about what happens to Meg and Charles Wallace in their future. I sit in the next room (like today) and hear them organize the game they will play. They have done it since they were tiny, taking spoons or even gummy bears and say “I will be the momma, you be the sweetheart” and off their imaginations would gallop into one fairy world after another.
My eldest is 11. She is just now over the last year or so separated herself from the younger ones to do “more grown up” things, like read books or draw for hours. But the younger ones still let their imaginations take them places that we learn to release as adults. Today even the 11 year old plays along.
I adore the way they play. I smile as I write this for now they have found a winding music box that they have inducted into their game as a prop. It’s one of those notched barrels that have tin prongs that play when you spin the handle.
Today the carpet is dry but barren of furniture. It is a wide-open place to romp. A new toy of sorts for them you could say. So while one plays the music box for sound effects to tesseract (teleport?) Two others are crawling across the floor as though they were scaling a building, I can’t help but to shake my head and be amazed at their creativity.
Right now, (after making a few posts at some boards I frequent) they are ready to go to the mall, and they are already creating a new game of spies, walkie talkies, a transistor radio, a bag of other gadgets a note pad of paper and they are set. Now they just need me to get off the computer so that I can go fulfill a promise. One week of clean bedrooms, and they get a treat – in this case a trip to the local mall to play in the kiddie corral. (see the entry about redoing the chore charts) They will duck behind and under the foam climbable sculptures while playing hide and seek. I will sit along the edges with the numbers of other parents waiting for family members to finish shopping while they pull kid watching duty.
Fun will be had by all.
Bye for now.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Still more plates spinning in the air
Yesterday I spent the larger part of the day online doing research. I was researching property for a business venture with a friend of mine. (More news on that when it’s … well, more than just talk.)
Researching for hand held UV sanitizer. You would not believe how hard it is to keep all the toys clean to prevent cross pollination of germs! This has been such a hard hard year for sickness in our community. I am also thinking about buying one of those air purifier units that pass the air through a UV beam to kill air-born germs. Those are very expensive though.
Researching for storage containers for the toys… something besides toy boxes that swallow the little toys to the bottom to never be seen again.
Carpet cleaning today in a few hours, so I need to get off the computer in a few minutes to get as much stuff out of the rooms as I can before the professional carpet-cleaning guy comes over. This is to help stay in compliance with my licensing report.
I am so excited! I got invited to a writer’s networking party! I have never been to one before and I am a little nervous about what to expect. Should I bring stuff I have written? Would that be presumptuous? *sigh* I need to call the lady and find out more details when I am not buried in children.
This of course means that I will need to find a sitter on short notice. While that sounds easy enough, no one looks at watching as many kids as I have without thinking about it hard.
*grin* We had pizza again last night after running loops all evening going to tutor’s and piano lessons. Thursdays are always a zoo. But it begs the question… just how many times can you have pizza before a kid rebels? “The world may never know,” to quote a tootsie pop commercial.
Slowly, I am catching up on reviews. I wish it wasn’t taking so long, but I am juggling so much these days that it’s sometimes either; let them wait, or just not participate at all. And I love the writing communities I am part of way too much to stop altogether. I am a glutton for punishment. That’s all I can say.
Well, my kids are moving my living room furniture out into the garage without me… they seem more excited about the carpet guy coming than I do. I need to help supervise and keep them from gouging holes in the walls on their way out.
I will write more later.
Tootles!
Researching for hand held UV sanitizer. You would not believe how hard it is to keep all the toys clean to prevent cross pollination of germs! This has been such a hard hard year for sickness in our community. I am also thinking about buying one of those air purifier units that pass the air through a UV beam to kill air-born germs. Those are very expensive though.
Researching for storage containers for the toys… something besides toy boxes that swallow the little toys to the bottom to never be seen again.
Carpet cleaning today in a few hours, so I need to get off the computer in a few minutes to get as much stuff out of the rooms as I can before the professional carpet-cleaning guy comes over. This is to help stay in compliance with my licensing report.
I am so excited! I got invited to a writer’s networking party! I have never been to one before and I am a little nervous about what to expect. Should I bring stuff I have written? Would that be presumptuous? *sigh* I need to call the lady and find out more details when I am not buried in children.
This of course means that I will need to find a sitter on short notice. While that sounds easy enough, no one looks at watching as many kids as I have without thinking about it hard.
*grin* We had pizza again last night after running loops all evening going to tutor’s and piano lessons. Thursdays are always a zoo. But it begs the question… just how many times can you have pizza before a kid rebels? “The world may never know,” to quote a tootsie pop commercial.
Slowly, I am catching up on reviews. I wish it wasn’t taking so long, but I am juggling so much these days that it’s sometimes either; let them wait, or just not participate at all. And I love the writing communities I am part of way too much to stop altogether. I am a glutton for punishment. That’s all I can say.
Well, my kids are moving my living room furniture out into the garage without me… they seem more excited about the carpet guy coming than I do. I need to help supervise and keep them from gouging holes in the walls on their way out.
I will write more later.
Tootles!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
A view from my shoes
Well, today was a big day for me. Today I tweaked my ideas for a new ad campaign for my business. I created a brochure for near-by businesses to consider leaving my card on their countertop. Since I operate a drop in day care, the village is the perfect place to target my services. This way, parents can leave their kids with me while they do their errands, shopping, visit the gym, get their hair done… whatever. Provided they register with me, and I have space available, this is a win-win situation for all concerned. I need clientele; proprietors need stress-free patrons, parents sometimes need short-term, short-notice, child care.
Also, I sent out another story (A day in the life of a mouse) to Long Story Short, Magazine to see if it will be published or rejected, and if rejected, sent out again to other markets while I keep writing other things. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated, but this is something I really want to do with my life, and it seems that I tend to use this journal to rant about it. I don’t know weather to apologize for it or not. It’s good for helping me keep track of what I am doing and all, but it must be a bore to read with every entry.
Oh! And I am so proud of myself… I actually got up early (thanks to a call from a friend), and exercised! If I can, I’d like to keep that going! (honestly though, do you know absolutely any woman who doesn’t wish to be a smaller size?)
Yesterday, I created newsletter templates for all the church functions I am part of (that was fun!) and in between all of this, of course, I am a full time mother. Which reminds me… what will I cook for dinner? Pardon me while I run to the basement to check the freezer…
Frozen Pizza Wins! (My children will be thrilled to hear this actually) But it’s been a long day now that the day care kiddos are gone and I just don’t feel like cooking.
Well, that was a view from my shoes for the day, I hope yours is going as well as mine.
Also, I sent out another story (A day in the life of a mouse) to Long Story Short, Magazine to see if it will be published or rejected, and if rejected, sent out again to other markets while I keep writing other things. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated, but this is something I really want to do with my life, and it seems that I tend to use this journal to rant about it. I don’t know weather to apologize for it or not. It’s good for helping me keep track of what I am doing and all, but it must be a bore to read with every entry.
Oh! And I am so proud of myself… I actually got up early (thanks to a call from a friend), and exercised! If I can, I’d like to keep that going! (honestly though, do you know absolutely any woman who doesn’t wish to be a smaller size?)
Yesterday, I created newsletter templates for all the church functions I am part of (that was fun!) and in between all of this, of course, I am a full time mother. Which reminds me… what will I cook for dinner? Pardon me while I run to the basement to check the freezer…
Frozen Pizza Wins! (My children will be thrilled to hear this actually) But it’s been a long day now that the day care kiddos are gone and I just don’t feel like cooking.
Well, that was a view from my shoes for the day, I hope yours is going as well as mine.
Spread Thin
Today was another snow day. All last night we had freezing rain. The thick glaze coated the cars, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are downed wires or broken branches. Last night I knew they would cancel due to weather. And I was right.
The funny thing is that by 8:00am the temperature warmed right up and the snow is melting. I had to call the school a second time to see if they said “na, just fooling, school’s back on.” I think the awakening of spring is glorious and surprising and…wonderful. *smile* The best part is that I get to keep my kids with me all day long, and I like that. It means of course that the day will be full of interruptions and busy… hardly a good day for getting any serious writing done, but I should be used to that by now.
I have an idea for a book. Okay, yes, I know I have several started and none finished, so I have one more to add to the pile. All the writing books tell you to write about what you know. So, I took their advice. I am writing about something I know intimately. Laundry. This will have a spin on it though. It will be an inspirational devotional, which uses laundry as the metaphor for spiritual growth. *giggles* I can imagine what you must be thinking, and you might be right, it might not fly. However, I have targeted it to a specific audience and it will be general enough that anyone can find humor in it. I believe that I will be able to pitch it to an editor, if I get it written. Well, I don’t know how it will turn out, but the writing of it will be fun for me. Can I finish it? Can I finish the mail order bride novel I started? How about the young adult story I started over 10 years ago? Am I forever doomed to only finishing “flash” stories? All of these are good questions.
Well, while I am exposing my self-doubt here, why don’t I also toss in a confession of not feeling like I am doing any one thing well? I have found that I have spread myself very thin in terms of writing communities. It’s coming back to bite me on the butt and I am not finishing reviews that I said I would do. I have people who have been waiting for way longer than they should have to. *sigh* I lock myself into these timed, due-date-driven flash challenges and then there is no flex room to allow the other parts of my life to swell. I juggle so many responsibilities, especially during busy season, and occasionally, I have to let one of the balls drop. Sometimes those balls are made of rubber and they bounce… Sometimes they don’t. I like to say “yes”. So I say yes far more often than I should on some things. Especially on things that lie within my passions.
Speaking of passions, yesterday I printed out fresh pictures of my kids and put them on the wall. They turned out soooo well! I am pleased with how my skills in photography are coming along. The day before yesterday my son celebrated Valentines day with his girlfriend. He asked me to take some pictures of the table he set with the good china, the flowers he bought and the candle burning in the center. The lighting was tricky because the digital camera I have is automatic. That just means that it has preset selections on it’s aperture. So I am learning to monkey with the settings. I am able to capture pictures now that I never would have been able to before. It gives me a great thrill and I can see my improvement daily on the screen when I download and print the pictures from the camera. Pathetic aren’t I?
I have a guilty confession, I have another passion. Movies. I buy them cheep and have a huge collection. I could almost run my own rental business.
I spent the afternoon reworking a chore chart and establishing a series of short-term goals for the girls. We already have a system of sorts, and it’s been working for a long while, but it is a simplistic system. What I did the other day merged with what they were already doing. I am hopeful that it will make a difference and for now, they are still motivated.
The funny thing is that by 8:00am the temperature warmed right up and the snow is melting. I had to call the school a second time to see if they said “na, just fooling, school’s back on.” I think the awakening of spring is glorious and surprising and…wonderful. *smile* The best part is that I get to keep my kids with me all day long, and I like that. It means of course that the day will be full of interruptions and busy… hardly a good day for getting any serious writing done, but I should be used to that by now.
I have an idea for a book. Okay, yes, I know I have several started and none finished, so I have one more to add to the pile. All the writing books tell you to write about what you know. So, I took their advice. I am writing about something I know intimately. Laundry. This will have a spin on it though. It will be an inspirational devotional, which uses laundry as the metaphor for spiritual growth. *giggles* I can imagine what you must be thinking, and you might be right, it might not fly. However, I have targeted it to a specific audience and it will be general enough that anyone can find humor in it. I believe that I will be able to pitch it to an editor, if I get it written. Well, I don’t know how it will turn out, but the writing of it will be fun for me. Can I finish it? Can I finish the mail order bride novel I started? How about the young adult story I started over 10 years ago? Am I forever doomed to only finishing “flash” stories? All of these are good questions.
Well, while I am exposing my self-doubt here, why don’t I also toss in a confession of not feeling like I am doing any one thing well? I have found that I have spread myself very thin in terms of writing communities. It’s coming back to bite me on the butt and I am not finishing reviews that I said I would do. I have people who have been waiting for way longer than they should have to. *sigh* I lock myself into these timed, due-date-driven flash challenges and then there is no flex room to allow the other parts of my life to swell. I juggle so many responsibilities, especially during busy season, and occasionally, I have to let one of the balls drop. Sometimes those balls are made of rubber and they bounce… Sometimes they don’t. I like to say “yes”. So I say yes far more often than I should on some things. Especially on things that lie within my passions.
Speaking of passions, yesterday I printed out fresh pictures of my kids and put them on the wall. They turned out soooo well! I am pleased with how my skills in photography are coming along. The day before yesterday my son celebrated Valentines day with his girlfriend. He asked me to take some pictures of the table he set with the good china, the flowers he bought and the candle burning in the center. The lighting was tricky because the digital camera I have is automatic. That just means that it has preset selections on it’s aperture. So I am learning to monkey with the settings. I am able to capture pictures now that I never would have been able to before. It gives me a great thrill and I can see my improvement daily on the screen when I download and print the pictures from the camera. Pathetic aren’t I?
I have a guilty confession, I have another passion. Movies. I buy them cheep and have a huge collection. I could almost run my own rental business.
I spent the afternoon reworking a chore chart and establishing a series of short-term goals for the girls. We already have a system of sorts, and it’s been working for a long while, but it is a simplistic system. What I did the other day merged with what they were already doing. I am hopeful that it will make a difference and for now, they are still motivated.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Of dirty desktops and busy days
Thursday, February 10, 2005
My desk is a mess! Post-it notes, wrappers from food ate while at my keyboard, cold cup of coffee from this morning, various sundry things I have pulled from the grip of a child and didn’t feel like walking across the house (hop gates) to put away. Receipts from paying the bills, catalogs, papers frisked from the backpacks of my children, paper scraps, a phonebook, ARGH! And underneath it? Dust. Dust that has eddied up into drifts that have started to clog computer keys, and coat a few sticky spots on my desk. I am ashamed and embarrassed. Now that I have given the world a view of it, am I sufficiently embarrassed enough to actually DO something about it?
Listen to me whine.
It’s several hours later now. I have spent the entire day running loops around town. I went to two different schools to pick up two kids to take them to the dentists office, then return them. Got home in time for day care kids that didn’t show (they are hit with the cold that’s going around) and then get son to his job. I barely catch my breath and my kids get off the bus. They are home long enough to grab a snack while I mugged them for their backpacks. Then, it’s all four of the girls in the car while we went to drop off one at the tutor’s, another to her piano lesson, drove around looking for a bathroom for the third (while the fourth one slept in the car). Once that is done we are back making the rounds for the return trip in picking them all up and drop them off at home so that they can start eating Chili for dinner (which I had cooking all day knowing that today would be a zoo). While they were eating, I ran to pick up son and drop him off in town for some band battle he wanted to go to. When I came back, it was time to start the bedtime routine, do dishes, find the floor and start the one who went to the tutor’s on her homework while we changed bed linens for the one who slept in the car. Two hours later, they are fed, clean, brushed, prayed with and finishing up homework and I realize that Bill still won’t be home for another several hours.
In years past, I would spend a great deal of time in instant messaging with friends in order to get past this lonely time of year. But the Day care is keeping me busy, too busy to sit and chat. The kids are spending a great deal of time in the car in the evenings (something new this year), and I realize just how tired and lonely I am when the girls are finally down for the evening.
So, rather than crying about it and making myself feel worse, I think I will go ahead and post this, then finish the half dozen projects I have open on my (still dirty) desk top. Maybe if I am lucky, I will catch someone online and we can chat while I do that.
Thanks for keeping me company while I rambled about my day.
My desk is a mess! Post-it notes, wrappers from food ate while at my keyboard, cold cup of coffee from this morning, various sundry things I have pulled from the grip of a child and didn’t feel like walking across the house (hop gates) to put away. Receipts from paying the bills, catalogs, papers frisked from the backpacks of my children, paper scraps, a phonebook, ARGH! And underneath it? Dust. Dust that has eddied up into drifts that have started to clog computer keys, and coat a few sticky spots on my desk. I am ashamed and embarrassed. Now that I have given the world a view of it, am I sufficiently embarrassed enough to actually DO something about it?
Listen to me whine.
It’s several hours later now. I have spent the entire day running loops around town. I went to two different schools to pick up two kids to take them to the dentists office, then return them. Got home in time for day care kids that didn’t show (they are hit with the cold that’s going around) and then get son to his job. I barely catch my breath and my kids get off the bus. They are home long enough to grab a snack while I mugged them for their backpacks. Then, it’s all four of the girls in the car while we went to drop off one at the tutor’s, another to her piano lesson, drove around looking for a bathroom for the third (while the fourth one slept in the car). Once that is done we are back making the rounds for the return trip in picking them all up and drop them off at home so that they can start eating Chili for dinner (which I had cooking all day knowing that today would be a zoo). While they were eating, I ran to pick up son and drop him off in town for some band battle he wanted to go to. When I came back, it was time to start the bedtime routine, do dishes, find the floor and start the one who went to the tutor’s on her homework while we changed bed linens for the one who slept in the car. Two hours later, they are fed, clean, brushed, prayed with and finishing up homework and I realize that Bill still won’t be home for another several hours.
In years past, I would spend a great deal of time in instant messaging with friends in order to get past this lonely time of year. But the Day care is keeping me busy, too busy to sit and chat. The kids are spending a great deal of time in the car in the evenings (something new this year), and I realize just how tired and lonely I am when the girls are finally down for the evening.
So, rather than crying about it and making myself feel worse, I think I will go ahead and post this, then finish the half dozen projects I have open on my (still dirty) desk top. Maybe if I am lucky, I will catch someone online and we can chat while I do that.
Thanks for keeping me company while I rambled about my day.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
One of those days
One of those days.
I was supposed to get up really early (before the crack of dawn, 5:30 in the morning, early), and exercise with a friend of mine. She was going to get up, drive over here and work out with me. With the day care that I run, and needing to get my own family up and moving, my mornings are just packed. The only way to get any personal time in is to get up insanely early.
Anyway, I didn’t make it. Here is an excerpt from the e-mail I sent her this morning:
Confession:
I woke up at 6:15 in a flushed panic that left an afterglow of guilt. I set three alarm clocks each with graduated times of "wake up". The one beside me was set for 5am and was designed so that I would be out of the deepest part of sleep, even if I hit the off button by reflex.
The second alarm was the, "Your now out of bed to have to answer this, so you might as well get dressed." Silly me, that alarm was the cell phone, one I haven't tested yet. I still don't know if Bill set it right or what was wrong. I suspect that he had the ringer turned off (vibrate mode) but set the alarm right.
The third alarm was the "It's now 6:15 and she's gone, so you can just go right down stairs and kill yourself with a kitchen knife" alarm. Which is of course, the one that woke me up.
Upon rushing downstairs however, I see (thanks to a light dusting of snow that blankets my neighborhood) that there are no tire tracks, nor footsteps that lead to my door. Could it be? Truly? She didn't make it? Did she oversleep too?
I won’t know the answer to this until she returns the e-mail or I work up the courage to call her and eat humble pie. *sigh*
I wonder how many calories are in humble pie…
I was supposed to get up really early (before the crack of dawn, 5:30 in the morning, early), and exercise with a friend of mine. She was going to get up, drive over here and work out with me. With the day care that I run, and needing to get my own family up and moving, my mornings are just packed. The only way to get any personal time in is to get up insanely early.
Anyway, I didn’t make it. Here is an excerpt from the e-mail I sent her this morning:
Confession:
I woke up at 6:15 in a flushed panic that left an afterglow of guilt. I set three alarm clocks each with graduated times of "wake up". The one beside me was set for 5am and was designed so that I would be out of the deepest part of sleep, even if I hit the off button by reflex.
The second alarm was the, "Your now out of bed to have to answer this, so you might as well get dressed." Silly me, that alarm was the cell phone, one I haven't tested yet. I still don't know if Bill set it right or what was wrong. I suspect that he had the ringer turned off (vibrate mode) but set the alarm right.
The third alarm was the "It's now 6:15 and she's gone, so you can just go right down stairs and kill yourself with a kitchen knife" alarm. Which is of course, the one that woke me up.
Upon rushing downstairs however, I see (thanks to a light dusting of snow that blankets my neighborhood) that there are no tire tracks, nor footsteps that lead to my door. Could it be? Truly? She didn't make it? Did she oversleep too?
I won’t know the answer to this until she returns the e-mail or I work up the courage to call her and eat humble pie. *sigh*
I wonder how many calories are in humble pie…
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