November 21, 2005
Okay, I have to tell you this very cool thing we are doing at the www.notebored.com/board. I have started a thread inviting everyone to an imaginary Christmas party. We all imagined what the room would look like, (dimensions, features and such) and now we are decorating it. All who participate –those who reply to the thread- will share stories, traditions, recipes and whatever else comes along. On the week of Christmas, we will trade presents. If it’s the thought that counts, and a picture is worth a thousand words (not to mention that if it’s imaginary you can gift your friends without the thought of a budget) then giving imaginary presents will be fun.
Does this sound weird? Maybe. If it sounds fun to you, you are welcome to join us.
Isn’t it sad when the most interesting or exciting thing that’s happening in your life is a playful conversation thread at an online community? Well, I guess that’s not entirely true, I have a birthday party to bake a cake for, Alyssa turns 12 today. That’s kinda exciting LOL, especially for her.
The daycare is busy, and that’s good. But it also means that my writing time has been cut down drastically. I am able to keep up on some of (not all of) the threads at the NoteBored. I can have the computer on all day long, but only able to check messages or catch up a thread here or there. I haven’t sat down long enough to really write on a story or even feel like I can participate in an instant message conversation in … months it feels like. At first, it made me feel grumpy, then stifled. Now I am feeling isolated.
For instance, I started this post at about 8:30 this morning. It’s now nearly 11:00 and I have checked kids in, got them breakfast, did dishes, started a load of laundry, did a round of diaper changes, had a tickle fest and read a picture book, and in between all of that, I have been pecking one graph at a time here. What doesn’t translate well here, are the many times I stop what I am doing to monitor and deal with the kids that doesn’t involve just doing a job… It’s more about heading off conflicts between sibs, teaching the older ones how to deal gently with the toddlers who want to play with the older ones but don’t have the people skills or the vocabulary yet to manage it. It’s about listening to the way the kids are talking to one another and making sure they are using their words and being kind to one another. Sometimes I have a toddler who has just learned the fine motor skill of throwing something, teaching them to not throw toys, just because they now can is a challenge! I have kids that drool and drip, they need to be wiped up and the toys they are playing with have to be set aside to be washed before being kicked “back into play” so to speak.
Ahhh, I am probably boring you all to death. My job isn’t glamorous. It doesn’t have new challenges, just the same ones that have to be done over and over again. Kissing boo boo’s, tying aprons for dress up, setting the timer and putting kids on the potty every 40 minutes, comforting children who don’t understand why mommy and daddy have to be gone, the repetitive conversations about where mommy is and when she is coming back…
Underneath it all though, I know I am making an impact on families. I know that my home is a safe place to be. Miss Dee’s is a house of kindness and compassion for each other. They are learning through consistent reinforcement how to treat one another.
Yeah, it’s all those things. And it’s all good.
But it’s not glamorous or challenging to me.
I do have glamorous clients though. Really! I have two mommies who are models, a few who are speech therapists; a few computer programmers, one is even a best selling novelist… how cool is that?
In spite of all the whining you just heard, I think that what I do is valuable, I find satisfaction in the fact that I do it well. Very well. It’s just that, I have been doing this since I was 13. I did public care for kids until I had my own, then spent 15 years raising my 5 till they were in school full time, and now at 37 I am back to it.
How many of us would like to be doing other things but can’t because they have to feed their families and pay their bills? So my whining is really minor in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes it feels good to just spit it out and let it go though, you know? I have found that it’s very hard to hold on to the blessings God would give us because our hands are full of our own wants, desires and dreams. How can I possibly be of use to Him if I am constantly trying to get my own way? So, today I am letting it go (like I do many days) and opening my hands to what He has for me to do, finding the joy in these moments, and refusing to let the wishing for other things spoil my today.
So, now it is cleanup time. I will switch the laundry to the drier and check diapers again before setting the kiddos up for lunch. (Yes, it’s now closer to noon.) I am going to post this now, before we do clean up, otherwise it won’t be until after 1:00 before I can sit down again.
Thank you for tagging along with me today. Somehow I don’t feel as alone when I journal my thoughts.
Sometimes it's nice to see life from someone else's point of view. I am a mother, writer and amateur photographer. This is what the view looks like from where I am standing.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
Freshman in Heaven
Friday, November 11, 2005
This evening we are having something at my house called a “sing-a-long” where a bunch of us gather with a guitar and sing songs and just enjoy each others company. This is something we have done off and on for several years. A family that has always been part of our sing alongs, and was planning on attending this one, just lost their youngest child, Timothy in a car accident a few days ago. I haven’t put my thoughts into the journal because I would start crying again, and I have a house full of kids that just wouldn’t understand why Miss Dee is sobbing over there in the corner.
It’s hard to know the right words to comfort the family, there are no human words that are big or deep enough. I have watch Tim grow from a 5 year old, through all his years as a scout. He is… was a freshman in college, and now he is a freshman in heaven.
It just doesn’t make any sense… none. We all want to find reasons, something to blame or conditions that put it all into context. But the truth is, random accidents happen to all of us, good and bad, the result of living in a fallen world. It still hurts, like a soul ache that throbs.
Sunday, there will be the service… pray for this family? I don’t want to give out personal info on other people on the net. It’s enough to tell you that his name is… was Timothy, God knows the rest. Pray for the family, to be buoyed during their grief, pray for the family and friends who will be asking God questions on their own mortality, but most of all, pray for softened hearts, that draw close. I think that grief, has the ability to clean us out and make us stronger, but it also has the capacity to harden us and turn us away from what is best and good. Pray for protection from the enemy while they are vulnerable, and for them to remember that nothing can snatch them from the
Father’s hand. Not even death.
I am posting a poem that I wrote for another dear friend, who died of Cystic Fibrosis last year. This is the song my heart sings at death…
For Sheri
Flowers fade
And willows weep
For the season that has passed.
We the creation
Whom God has made
Are like unto the grass.
We have our place
In time and space
Set in the frame work of
His hand.
His breath within
Despite our sin
To pursue His bride
The plan.
The time is short
For man is frail
And cannot count tomorrow.
So seize the day
And grasp the hand
That was wounded unto sorrow.
Look closely now
At the flower that was
And peer at the myst’ry revealed.
For the shroud, of death
Is the afterbirth of life
And there, are the seeds of eternity sealed.
I will leave you with a closing thought. Call your loved ones today, the ones you don’t see often, and remind them that they are loved. Talk to that one person who you have a problem with, you know the one, and make it right. We aren’t promised tomorrow. Seize the day!
This evening we are having something at my house called a “sing-a-long” where a bunch of us gather with a guitar and sing songs and just enjoy each others company. This is something we have done off and on for several years. A family that has always been part of our sing alongs, and was planning on attending this one, just lost their youngest child, Timothy in a car accident a few days ago. I haven’t put my thoughts into the journal because I would start crying again, and I have a house full of kids that just wouldn’t understand why Miss Dee is sobbing over there in the corner.
It’s hard to know the right words to comfort the family, there are no human words that are big or deep enough. I have watch Tim grow from a 5 year old, through all his years as a scout. He is… was a freshman in college, and now he is a freshman in heaven.
It just doesn’t make any sense… none. We all want to find reasons, something to blame or conditions that put it all into context. But the truth is, random accidents happen to all of us, good and bad, the result of living in a fallen world. It still hurts, like a soul ache that throbs.
Sunday, there will be the service… pray for this family? I don’t want to give out personal info on other people on the net. It’s enough to tell you that his name is… was Timothy, God knows the rest. Pray for the family, to be buoyed during their grief, pray for the family and friends who will be asking God questions on their own mortality, but most of all, pray for softened hearts, that draw close. I think that grief, has the ability to clean us out and make us stronger, but it also has the capacity to harden us and turn us away from what is best and good. Pray for protection from the enemy while they are vulnerable, and for them to remember that nothing can snatch them from the
Father’s hand. Not even death.
I am posting a poem that I wrote for another dear friend, who died of Cystic Fibrosis last year. This is the song my heart sings at death…
For Sheri
Flowers fade
And willows weep
For the season that has passed.
We the creation
Whom God has made
Are like unto the grass.
We have our place
In time and space
Set in the frame work of
His hand.
His breath within
Despite our sin
To pursue His bride
The plan.
The time is short
For man is frail
And cannot count tomorrow.
So seize the day
And grasp the hand
That was wounded unto sorrow.
Look closely now
At the flower that was
And peer at the myst’ry revealed.
For the shroud, of death
Is the afterbirth of life
And there, are the seeds of eternity sealed.
I will leave you with a closing thought. Call your loved ones today, the ones you don’t see often, and remind them that they are loved. Talk to that one person who you have a problem with, you know the one, and make it right. We aren’t promised tomorrow. Seize the day!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Swan Lake
I am a shutter bug. I love taking pictures. This one is of a man made lake that we pass twice a week when we go to the tutor's house. Off to the right you will see swans that are tiny white dots. All spring / summer we have watched this male and female swan sit on the nest and then raise three baby goslings, who are soon to fly south. I think of this lake as Swan Lake because of the family of 5 that live there. 
Monday, November 07, 2005
Hard Day
What do you do with your hard days?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Today was a hard day. I had an infant who just wanted mommy. He is nursed and wouldn’t take a bottle. If he were hungry enough I believe he would take that bottle just fine… but mostly he was mad. So he cried… for a long time. Everyone’s nerves were stretched until he finally fell asleep. Then it was time to start the evening routine with my own kids. That means homework and dinner and oh so many of those little things… Today, before I start dinner (while Bill came home and rescued me by taking the one with homework up stairs) I wanted to sit and just collect myself and remember why I do what I do.
My nerves are shot, my kids are reacting off the stress and then in walks my husband to chaos. This little one isn’t sleeping soundly and will wake up soon, so my time here with you is limited. But I raised a question. Why do I do what I do? What’s the most important thing? It’s so easy to get lost in the shuffle of the everyday, you know; where you deal with the loudest thing instead of the most important thing. How do sort priorities when the world and it’s distractions are shouting at you… or in my case, crying at me.
*deep breath*
I am glad I have a refuge, a quiet place in Christ. I am glad that he gently leads me. Today I need his gentleness.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Today was a hard day. I had an infant who just wanted mommy. He is nursed and wouldn’t take a bottle. If he were hungry enough I believe he would take that bottle just fine… but mostly he was mad. So he cried… for a long time. Everyone’s nerves were stretched until he finally fell asleep. Then it was time to start the evening routine with my own kids. That means homework and dinner and oh so many of those little things… Today, before I start dinner (while Bill came home and rescued me by taking the one with homework up stairs) I wanted to sit and just collect myself and remember why I do what I do.
My nerves are shot, my kids are reacting off the stress and then in walks my husband to chaos. This little one isn’t sleeping soundly and will wake up soon, so my time here with you is limited. But I raised a question. Why do I do what I do? What’s the most important thing? It’s so easy to get lost in the shuffle of the everyday, you know; where you deal with the loudest thing instead of the most important thing. How do sort priorities when the world and it’s distractions are shouting at you… or in my case, crying at me.
*deep breath*
I am glad I have a refuge, a quiet place in Christ. I am glad that he gently leads me. Today I need his gentleness.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Fall Beauty
Today is just beautiful. Fall won't be here long, the leaves are already beginning to drop to the ground. This picture was taken a few weeks ago as the colors were in full riot. Today most of them are looking neekid so when we get a day with gentle wind and high 70's like today, I soak it up, knowing that these days are numbered. I don't know where you are in your life, what kinds of stresses you are under. But if you get the chance, step outside and soak up the beauty in that moment. Store it up and treasure it. I am.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
On NaNo and Soothing
TriMo Begins September 1st 2005 / Ends November 31st 2005
13,022/50,000 Words Written
Ritt’s End LLC: Today I got my billing out, that counts.
Church: Base Camp: I need to plan the agenda for the lock in happening this Friday. Maybe this was a bad week to give up caffine? I have the Parent letter created, just waiting on feedback from other leaders, and then I will publish it as a pdf file and also send it out as an e-mail.
Notebored:Well, I have a children’s book / poem I need to give a crit for. It’s so well done I am nearly green with envy. There are only a few verses that need smoothing, but it’s a joy to read. I just need to wipe the green out of my comments and give an objective crit for it.
Current Book(s) I am reading for fun: I just started “Magic Street” by Orson Scott Card. I will let you know more about it when I am done.
Books (s) I am learning from: Shattered Dreams – Larry Crab, A Young Woman after God’s Own Heart – Elizabeth George. (Nearly done with this one, my daughter has been really into it and I’ve treasured the time spent with her.
Oh yeah, my friend Lindsey gave me the book “No Plot? No Problem!” by Chris Baty, the founder of the National Novel Writing Month, affectionately known as “NaNoWriMo.” I am nearly done with that, and the NaNo started a few days ago. I hope that the excitement from that chases me into finishing mine on time!!!!!
Movies(s) I have watched recently: Series of Unfortunate Events. Oh man is it fun!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Today and yesterday I had a full house of kids in the daycare. I love taking care of kids. I love watching them grow and cheering with them as they accomplish those amazing things that happen to them when they are this age. Usually I am able to juggle them and getting some writing in. But not lately. That’s been hard, because I need to let out my creative energy in one form or another. It keeps me sane.
So the pressure is on to fine tune my responsibility juggling to allow for that part of my life and yet still keep the house and our own kids on a stable orbit. The question becomes, can I manage all of this alone when busy season comes? Can I hold all the edges together when Bill is unavailable because of work and I am lonely as all get out? This is where my wilderness is, the dry and empty time when I want to stuff that empty spot with other things. It is the opportunity for my biggest spiritual growth, if I let it. LOL, it isn’t even here yet and already I am stressing over it. Dreading it.
Back to the daycare though, lately I have had a few kids who don’t normally cry, do a lot of it. It is hard to watch them gulp back tears and know that I can’t fix it for them. Only their mommies can. I am so used to being the mommy and being able to sooth and comfort… to find that I can’t do that for them is hard. Mostly, it’s just a phase thing. Each child goes through periods of separation anxiety. It is a healthy kind of pattern in their growth. So, I just do my best to redirect them and offer new things for them to think about and to do.
Naptime is nearly done and I will need to put away mats and change diapers. My own kids are getting off the bus soon too. It’s been a full day with daycare kids but now I need to change gears, frisk kids at the door for their homework, protect the pantry and offer only one after school snack (as opposed to what I affectionately call pantry grazing) and make sure that those who should, are practicing their instruments. Today is Wednesday… so I don’t have to race anyone to the tutor…Yay!
I will leave you to your own Wednesday afternoon routines. Thank you for walking alongside my afternoon with me.
13,022/50,000 Words Written
Ritt’s End LLC: Today I got my billing out, that counts.
Church: Base Camp: I need to plan the agenda for the lock in happening this Friday. Maybe this was a bad week to give up caffine? I have the Parent letter created, just waiting on feedback from other leaders, and then I will publish it as a pdf file and also send it out as an e-mail.
Notebored:Well, I have a children’s book / poem I need to give a crit for. It’s so well done I am nearly green with envy. There are only a few verses that need smoothing, but it’s a joy to read. I just need to wipe the green out of my comments and give an objective crit for it.
Current Book(s) I am reading for fun: I just started “Magic Street” by Orson Scott Card. I will let you know more about it when I am done.
Books (s) I am learning from: Shattered Dreams – Larry Crab, A Young Woman after God’s Own Heart – Elizabeth George. (Nearly done with this one, my daughter has been really into it and I’ve treasured the time spent with her.
Oh yeah, my friend Lindsey gave me the book “No Plot? No Problem!” by Chris Baty, the founder of the National Novel Writing Month, affectionately known as “NaNoWriMo.” I am nearly done with that, and the NaNo started a few days ago. I hope that the excitement from that chases me into finishing mine on time!!!!!
Movies(s) I have watched recently: Series of Unfortunate Events. Oh man is it fun!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Today and yesterday I had a full house of kids in the daycare. I love taking care of kids. I love watching them grow and cheering with them as they accomplish those amazing things that happen to them when they are this age. Usually I am able to juggle them and getting some writing in. But not lately. That’s been hard, because I need to let out my creative energy in one form or another. It keeps me sane.
So the pressure is on to fine tune my responsibility juggling to allow for that part of my life and yet still keep the house and our own kids on a stable orbit. The question becomes, can I manage all of this alone when busy season comes? Can I hold all the edges together when Bill is unavailable because of work and I am lonely as all get out? This is where my wilderness is, the dry and empty time when I want to stuff that empty spot with other things. It is the opportunity for my biggest spiritual growth, if I let it. LOL, it isn’t even here yet and already I am stressing over it. Dreading it.
Back to the daycare though, lately I have had a few kids who don’t normally cry, do a lot of it. It is hard to watch them gulp back tears and know that I can’t fix it for them. Only their mommies can. I am so used to being the mommy and being able to sooth and comfort… to find that I can’t do that for them is hard. Mostly, it’s just a phase thing. Each child goes through periods of separation anxiety. It is a healthy kind of pattern in their growth. So, I just do my best to redirect them and offer new things for them to think about and to do.
Naptime is nearly done and I will need to put away mats and change diapers. My own kids are getting off the bus soon too. It’s been a full day with daycare kids but now I need to change gears, frisk kids at the door for their homework, protect the pantry and offer only one after school snack (as opposed to what I affectionately call pantry grazing) and make sure that those who should, are practicing their instruments. Today is Wednesday… so I don’t have to race anyone to the tutor…Yay!
I will leave you to your own Wednesday afternoon routines. Thank you for walking alongside my afternoon with me.
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