Proverbs 29:17 Peaceful Children

Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.  Proverbs 29:17

There are companion verses that go with this, "Train up a child in the way he should go" is the most famous of them. My favorite is found in Proverbs 19:18 and says "Discipline your sons, for in this there is hope; do not be a willing party to their destruction."

The axiom here is that when we give children limits and boundaries, then hold them to it, they are just nicer people to be around.  They interrupt less, they are more careful of the space they occupy and the impact they are making on the people around them, they are generally quieter and less demanding.

I remember when my kids were small and they wanted my attention.  I'd trained them to come beside me and wait until they had my attention.  If I was in the middle of speaking to someone else, or they were speaking to me I would hold one finger up to tell them "One minute"  and then I would put my hand in their lap or take their hand so they knew I hadn't forgotten them.  They knew they were next for my attention and just quietly touching them helped them control their impatience.

Another trick I learned when they were fighting, was to put them on the couch and not let them up until they'd worked through the problem themselves, without making me the referee.  They had to talk through their frustration with each other, admit who was in the wrong, ask forgiveness, grant it, and then get up from the couch and play together again.  It put all the power in their hands to navigate the peace.  It especially helped the victim, as they couldn't get up until the one who was wronged was ready to forgive.  The one who'd behaved badly had to convince the one she'd hurt that she was sorry or they didn't get up from the time out.  It was exhausting when they were little, because I had to walk them through each step over and over, but now as teenagers and adults, they are still close and enjoy not only each other's company but I am consistently told by others how much they are respected.

The discipline that the bible is talking about is less about spankings and punishment and far more about giving them tools for mastering themselves.