Waiting for the phone to ring

The six-hour EEG test for Jessica was done on Friday.  I jumped like a nervous cat every time the phone rang all weekend long, but still no news from the doctor on the results of the test, regarding seizure activity.  Now it's Monday and I've promised myself to call them if I don't hear anything by two or three in the afternoon. 

The biggest question I have for them is if this will interfere with getting the scoliosis surgery done.  If they give the okay, then I will be calling the orthopedic surgeon to set the appointment.

In the mean time I expect that we will have prescriptions to fill for Jess and a testing time to evaluate how she does on them and if she has any side effects.

The best scenario of all is that she finds meds that are inexpensive, don't cause side effects and will keep the spasms away so that she can take drivers ed.  She might be on them for the rest of her life, but they won't impact her quality of life.  Then, we get her surgery, and if she can catch a break, then there won't be any complications or infections from that... and aside from setting off metal detectors, she can return to a very normal life. 

Well, as normal as the life of a teenager is likely to get. 

This is what I am praying for; that the rest of this goes smoothly and we don't have any more surprises.  That there are no complications with medications or with the surgery.

On other news, the auditions are over, the cast list has been posted, and I now have two of my girls as performers and one as a techie participating in the spring musical Willie Wonka.  Tonight is their first rehearsal.  Alyssa is playing the role of Mrs. Gloop, and Megan is an Oompa Loompa (did I spell that right?).  Jessica is working with the Lavs (wireless microphones the actors wear). 

Bill is in the middle of tax season, and he's wearing a little thin at the edges. He's exhausted and I'm a bit worried he's going to end up getting sick.  It's our 20th  anniversary on Wednesday.  We were joking this morning before he left that we should change our date to after April 15th.  Part of me really wants to celebrate this milestone in our marriage, they've been really good years together, made stronger from the struggles and not weakened.  The other part of me wants to use the time he'd have taken off to spend with me, and let him have a night to himself or clear the house so he can just sleep. 

Finally, before I close this entry, please keep a friend of mine in your prayers.  Her name is Amy and she's a chosen sister.  Last week she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's unclear what stage it's in, but she's scheduled for surgery on Thursday to remove the tumor.  I don't know much more yet than that, but it's a large tumor and there are signs of lymph node involvement.  Please pray that the surgery goes well for her, that they get all of it and that her body heals well and quickly.  She's got two small children who need their mommy.

I've been a little more weepy these last few weeks than I remember in a long time.  The tears seem to sit at the edges of my thoughts all day long and it doesn't take much for them to come to the surface.  It's weird.  I don't usually handle stress that way.  But I'm grateful for the relief that the tears seem to leave with me when they go. 

Anyway, thank you for spending time with me on this Monday while I wait for the phone to ring.  The house is quiet, Bill to work, the girls to school - all of them busy and involved.  I sit here with the snow falling organizing my thoughts, preparing to enter into my prayer time. 

I am grateful for the presence of my Lord.  He has chosen not to instantly heal my daughter, or my friend.  He hasn't lightened the depression of winter or the cycle of busy season.  But He is with me.  He doesn't leave me alone in it, and provides me with comfort and peace even through the fear and stress. 

It's like when you'vew been running for a long time and your dry and thirsty, heart pounding, fear of what's behind you, close on your heels... then you have refuge.  He's the one I run to when life is whelming because when I'm there, with him, I have rest. My head can be such a noisy place, where thoughts chase and circle each other replaying converstations; how I should have done things differently, what will I do "if", on and on. He doesn't always change the circumstances I am in, but he does... quiet me.  If you haven't experienced what I'm talking about, this must seem so strange to you.

Now that I've emptied my fears and worries into words, and asked for help in prayer from you, I'm ready to be silent.  I'm going to close for now so that I can go to my prayer closet and "be still".  When I'm wound up with worry It's so much harder to sit still and listen to what He has to say.  But this is what I need to do. 

Thanks for sharing the morning with me.